You missed a day. Maybe it was a long shift, a bad night, a child with a fever, or just a day where it did not happen. And somewhere in your head a voice is already saying that you have blown it.
That voice is the real risk, not the missed day. One missed day does very little to a habit. What tends to do the damage is what happens next: the decision that it is ruined anyway, so why bother. This guide is about the day after, and about how to find motivation again when it has gone quiet.
A missed day doesn't undo a habit
The best-known study of how habits form followed people building a new daily habit for twelve weeks. One of its clearest findings was that missing the occasional day did not seriously set the habit back. People who skipped a day simply picked up where they had left off, and the habit kept getting stronger.
So if you missed yesterday, the habit you have been building is almost certainly still there. It needs today, not a restart from zero.
Why one missed day turns into a week
Researchers who studied dieting in the 1980s described a pattern that most people recognise from other parts of life. Once a rule is broken, even slightly, people tend to abandon it completely for the rest of the day: "I've already had one biscuit, so the diet is off". It is sometimes called the "what the hell" effect.
The same thinking turns one missed walk into a missed week. Not because the week was hard, but because the first miss was read as proof of failure. All-or-nothing rules break the first time life gets in the way, and life always gets in the way.
Be kind to yourself, it works better
It is tempting to think that being hard on yourself will keep you in line. The research suggests the opposite.
In a set of experiments, people who were encouraged to treat a recent failure with self-compassion, rather than with a boost to their self-esteem, were more motivated to improve. In one of them, after doing badly on a difficult test, the self-compassion group spent more time studying for a second attempt. Accepting a setback seems to make it easier to look at it honestly, and to try again.
Self-compassion is not letting yourself off the hook. It is talking to yourself the way you would talk to a friend who missed a day: plainly, kindly, and with the next step in mind.
What to do the day after
1. Notice it, without the story
"I missed my walk yesterday" is a fact. "I always give up on everything" is a story. Write down, or just say, the fact, and leave the story out.
2. Ask what got in the way
Be practical. Was it time, energy, the moment you had chosen, or the size of the habit? Most missed days have an ordinary cause, and an ordinary cause has an ordinary fix.
3. Make today's version smaller
Do the smallest version of the habit today: two minutes, one page, one stretch. The goal of today is not to make up for yesterday. It is to show yourself the habit is still alive.
4. Start today, not on Monday
Beginnings help. Research on what its authors called the "fresh start effect" found that people are more likely to start working on their goals at moments that feel like a new start, like the beginning of a week, a month or a year, or just after a birthday. That can be useful when you are planning something new.
But you do not need a Monday to come back to a habit you already have. Today is a perfectly good beginning, and waiting for a better one gives the all-or-nothing voice a few more days to win.
5. Change the plan, not your opinion of yourself
If the same thing keeps getting in the way, adjust for it. Move the habit to a part of the day that suits you better, attach it to a different moment, or make a plan for the obstacle: "If I get home late, I'll do the two-minute version before dinner."
Our guide on how to build a habit you'll actually keep goes through setting a habit up so it survives busy weeks.
When it's been more than a day
Sometimes one day becomes three weeks, and the habit feels like something from another life. That is normal too. A few things help:
- Go back to why. What was this habit for? If the reason still matters to you, start again with the smallest version. If it no longer does, that is worth knowing.
- Start smaller than before. A habit that lapsed was probably a little too big for the life you actually had.
- Let some go. Not every habit belongs in every season. Dropping one on purpose is different from losing it, and it makes room for the ones that matter now.
How to find motivation again
Motivation is not something you have to feel before you start. Often it comes back after you start, once you see yourself doing the thing again.
- Do something tiny first. Action tends to bring motivation back, not the other way round.
- Reconnect with what it's for. A habit tied to something you care about is easier to return to. If you are not sure what that is, our guide on how to find your purpose starts there.
- Make it easier. Remove a step, prepare something the night before, lower the bar.
- Bring someone in. A walk with a friend is harder to skip than a walk alone.
- Expect it to come and go. Motivation rises and falls for everyone. A habit is what carries you on the days it is low.
When missing days is a sign of something else
If you are not just missing one habit but struggling to do much at all, if your energy has been low for weeks, or if things you used to enjoy have stopped feeling like anything, that is not a motivation problem, and no technique in this article will fix it. Talk to your doctor or someone you trust. If you are in danger, our help page lists services that answer day and night.
Doing it with Chirpi
Chirpi is built so that a missed day is a day, not a verdict. Your streak counts the days you showed up, and one missed day never breaks it. If today is not the day for a step, you can move it to another day.
When a step keeps slipping, Chirpi asks you once, gently, whether to make it smaller or leave it, and never shows you a count of what you missed. And when a step simply did not work, telling Chirpi "I tried, it didn't work" offers you one other way to try, which you choose whether to keep. One bad day never ends a habit. See how it works on the small steps page.
Chirpi is coming to iPhone and Android. The first seven days are free, with no card.
Does missing one day ruin a habit?
No. In the best-known study of habit formation, missing an occasional day did not seriously set the habit back. People who skipped a day picked up where they left off. What matters is the pattern over weeks, not a perfect run.
How do I get back on track after missing a day?
Do the smallest version of the habit today, without trying to make up for yesterday. Then ask what got in the way and adjust the plan for it, such as a different time of day or a two-minute version for busy days.
How do I find motivation again?
Start before you feel motivated. A tiny first step often brings motivation back, especially when the habit is connected to something you care about. Make the habit easier to start, and expect motivation to rise and fall.
Should I wait until Monday to restart?
You do not have to. New beginnings like a Monday or the first of the month can help when starting something new, but for a habit you already have, today is a good enough start, and waiting tends to turn one missed day into several.
What if I keep missing days?
Treat it as information. The habit may be too big, tied to the wrong moment, or no longer connected to something you care about. Make it smaller, move it, or let it go on purpose. If you are struggling to do much at all for weeks, talk to your doctor.
General wellbeing information, not medical advice. If you're struggling, here's where to find help.
Brice founded Chirpi after going through low times himself and watching his family go through them too. He learned that people mostly want to be heard, and to have somewhere to go. Chirpi is built on both.
Sources
- Lally, P., van Jaarsveld, C. H. M., Potts, H. W. W. & Wardle, J. (2010). How are habits formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world. European Journal of Social Psychology, 40(6), 998-1009.
- Polivy, J. & Herman, C. P. (1985). Dieting and binging: A causal analysis. American Psychologist, 40(2), 193-201.
- Breines, J. G. & Chen, S. (2012). Self-compassion increases self-improvement motivation. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 38(9), 1133-1143.
- Dai, H., Milkman, K. L. & Riis, J. (2014). The fresh start effect: Temporal landmarks motivate aspirational behavior. Management Science, 60(10), 2563-2582.
